A hairy tale

The tale of Ala
June 25, 2018

A hairy tale

Do you have hair? I do. Lots of it, all over my body. I didn’t use to mind till ss1, when a boy I liked told me to shave so I’d be like the other girls in class. I wanted him to like me back and if the hair on my legs was the only thing he felt wasn’t attractive about me, well it had to go! I became so self-conscious, I shaved every 3 days and I considered waxing and hair removal creams like Veet and Nair ; I read every article about hair removal and tried quite a few painful processes. Most of them quite expensive, but the looks of revulsion of strangers hurt more and unknowingly became my drive. It was quite disheartening…and funny now that I sit back to think about it.

Everyone always says to love your skin, accept the way you look, but their actions say differently; everywhere I turn everyone is in support of dramatic, altering changes if you are dissatisfied with yourself so I’m caught between loving myself and changing myself. Weird thing is, I never felt really disgusted about my body until that ss1 incident, I mean there were other incidences but this one was the one that made me look at myself differently; not good different, bad different. My hair was something that was just there, you know? It grew because it was supposed to.

On some days I’d tell myself to stop wasting so much time, get back to simpler times when I didn’t care. I could use the hurtful comments and stares of strangers as stepping stones to self-confidence, but it’s easier said than done. Just when I think I was making progress, a stare or a snigger would wrench me back to where I was; being insecure. There were days where all I thought of were procedures and procedures and more procedures because I felt so hurt. I’d daydream of peeling off my skin, and sewing on better skin—hairless, scar-free, perfect. Everyone would love it and admire me, and be jealous of how I could be born with such a flawless skin devoid of any hair.

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I loathed feeling vulnerable, that the comments and stares and whispers of people controlled my confidence, I couldn’t stand it! That I could barely look myself in the mirror without repulsion just made me realize that my body was no longer my own because I let others tell me what it was supposed to look like.

So I started trying this thing I stumbled on one hair removal binge reading spree—I have to say one nice thing about myself everyday, even if I don’t feel it. It’s okay if it’s a repeat word from the previous day. I say one word and I tell myself why I’m that word. For example: yesterday’s word was fresh. I chose that word because after I spent a while in the bathroom where I cleansed, steamed and exfoliated with the toning and moisturizing afterwards, I looked so nice. I felt good about myself actually. I had exfoliated and I had new skin, fresh skin and a fresh start.

It’s challenging to be kind to myself when I am down, but I still do it and it has been helping a little bit. Truthfully, on some days it doesn’t really work, but I am getting better at erasing the voices of others and giving priority to my own voice. I’m not always saying “it’s just this stupid hair!”, I’m touching it and enjoying the feel of my own body without feeling repulsed by myself.

Today’s word is patience. I am patient with myself because when I feel like giving up, I remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That even though most people do not like I how I look, my being fearfully and wonderfully made does not require their approval. I am going to love myself fully and unapologetically one day. And to get there I have to remain patient. I am patient with others so even when they snicker and laugh or make rude comments, I smile because one of these days, they’d come to love my fearfully and wonderfully and if they don’t, I guess it’s ok. We are not all made the same. To be fearfully and wonderfully made means that I have a unique characteristic and the challenge is love those characteristics fiercely despite every thought that suggests that I am not enough or not quite right. I’ll get there I know. Till then, I will do it day by day, love myself bit by bit, chunk by chunk till it becomes a whole, the whole me.

So I’m off to wear my shorts and tank top and a cute Ankara scarf a friend gave me, and my today accessory of patience and love.

Love and warmth,

 

TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS;

Are you doing things or taking steps to love yourself or parts of yourself you feel are unlovable? What are you doing exactly? Let’s help each other. You could also tell me your stories, don’t be a stranger 😀.

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IMPORTANT;

Hi squad! Lately school has been stressing me out, so I’ve changed my posting schedule to accommodate school (you want your girl to do great, right?)…it’s going to be twice a week instead of thrice for now…maybe during the holidays in August, I could get back to posting thrice but for now, I’d be posting twice a week on Mondays and Fridays. Thank you for sticking around. Love and warmth.

 

8 Comments

  1. Blue says:

    😌😌..
    I love this post😌😌

  2. Blue says:

    I remember being laughed at in secondary school.
    Most people classified me as a boy because of the hair on my hands and legs, they also made fun of me, I was terrified😪!
    But as years have rolled by I’ve learnt to love my body just like you have and it has been amazing…like you said most days it won’t be good(i tend to have this terrible feeling and all)but now negative comments don’t bother me at all😌..
    We aren’t all the same so a little appreciation from us personally towards our own bodies is key💖

  3. Fuego says:

    “Everyone always says to love your skin, accept the way you look, but their actions say differently; everywhere I turn everyone is in support of dramatic, altering changes if you are dissatisfied with yourself so I’m caught between loving myself and changing myself”- this is so true. Sometimes you can’t even love yourself right because the people saying to do that, the people you look up to that tell you to love yourself go ahead to get work done on some parts of their bodies, it’s really confusing.
    But I’d continue to try, hard as it seems because nobody’s perfect and nobody’s going love me like me.
    Thanks for this post, it hit home for me

  4. andrew says:

    I love Hairy ladies… Fuck what anybody says about your hair, society don’t define you… You define you!

  5. Ben says:

    No one should tell you how your body should look like. It’s your body, so whether you want to shave your legs or not is entirely up to you. I tell myself everyday that I deserve love, that I’m worth it and that nobody’s words are going to keep me down, these are the steps I’m taking. Love and warmth Nsima

  6. Lily says:

    I’m going to follow this method of saying positive things to myself everyday. Thank you for sharing your story, glad you’re coming into your own and also taking others, by others I mean people like me, along. Lots of love and warmth girl

  7. Agboola Titilayo Deborah says:

    God this really got to me…I’ve always felt insecure because of my bow legs… It made me walk faster when I’m walking past guys, made me abstain from a lot of stuffs, made me loathe myself but then I realized there are certain things you can’t change about yourself. You just have to love yourself for who you are and you’d find others admiring the confidence in you…I changed my walk step and started flaunting my legs and I found other people admiring my legs and walk steps…they’d be like I like the way you walk, I wish I had bow legs and all…another tip is to move with people that won’t put you down…Nsima you d best girlfriend ever😘😘😘 though you could be vile at times

  8. Debbie says:

    God this really got to me…I’ve always felt insecure because of my bow legs… It made me walk faster when I’m walking past guys, made me abstain from a lot of stuffs, made me loathe myself but then I realized there are certain things you can’t change about yourself. You just have to love yourself for who you are and you’d find others admiring the confidence in you…I changed my walk step and started flaunting my legs and I found other people admiring my legs and walk steps…they’d be like I like the way you walk, I wish I had bow legs and all…another tip is to move with people that won’t put you down…Nsima you d best girlfriend ever😘😘😘 though you could be vile at times

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