FEAR

The “how it happened” anecdote
May 28, 2018
A continuous becoming
June 1, 2018

FEAR

I am afraid;

 

When I say I have a fear of speaking,

I mean I have phobia of getting strangled by words I was meant to give life to,

Of dying and burying while I birth,

Of the headache I get after a dialogue without response,

The fear that I have not the strength to make room in my vocal chords to accommodate each syllable, phonetic, word or phrase,

Yet, the words still come anyway.

 

When I say I have a fear of darkness,

I mean I have a phobia of being deprived of sight,

Of the hidden, secret and the obscure,

Of an absolute lack of light,

The fear that I will get lost in the hopelessness and never find a way out again,

Yet, the light still goes out anyway.

 

When I say I have a fear of tomorrow,

I mean I have a phobia of endings and conclusions I didn’t bargain for,

Of the tightness and itchiness that comes with unfamiliarity,

Of a new trauma because I had not finished unlearning the one of the day before,

The fear that days will keep on moving in runner mode and I will not be able to keep up because I tire too easily,

Yet, tomorrow still comes anyway.

 

When I say I have a fear of myself,

I mean I have a phobia of knowing me in full yet never fully reaching it,

Of not being able to contend with all of the things I struggle with,

Of not being honest enough to leave the surface, to go deeper

The fear that I will tire of me and start to live in the skin of another, through another’s eyes,

Yet, yet I am still here.

 

I am afraid.

 

Thank you for reading!

P. S please don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE  to the blog down below and follow me on INSTAGRAM, let’s connect!

P. P. S  leave me a comment too. My face always lights up at them

Love and warmth

8 Comments

  1. ken says:

    Great poem!!! Awesome as usual

  2. Fuego says:

    “The fear that I will tire of me and start to live in the skin of another or through another’s eyes” got me. This is a beautiful piece

  3. Vivian says:

    Booba your mind is something else. You’re light Debs.

  4. Blue says:

    The fear of seeing your post come to an end😰….

    This is beyond beautiful😊❤

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: