I am afraid;
When I say I have a fear of speaking,
I mean I have phobia of getting strangled by words I was meant to give life to,
Of dying and burying while I birth,
Of the headache I get after a dialogue without response,
The fear that I have not the strength to make room in my vocal chords to accommodate each syllable, phonetic, word or phrase,
Yet, the words still come anyway.
When I say I have a fear of darkness,
I mean I have a phobia of being deprived of sight,
Of the hidden, secret and the obscure,
Of an absolute lack of light,
The fear that I will get lost in the hopelessness and never find a way out again,
Yet, the light still goes out anyway.
When I say I have a fear of tomorrow,
I mean I have a phobia of endings and conclusions I didn’t bargain for,
Of the tightness and itchiness that comes with unfamiliarity,
Of a new trauma because I had not finished unlearning the one of the day before,
The fear that days will keep on moving in runner mode and I will not be able to keep up because I tire too easily,
Yet, tomorrow still comes anyway.
When I say I have a fear of myself,
I mean I have a phobia of knowing me in full yet never fully reaching it,
Of not being able to contend with all of the things I struggle with,
Of not being honest enough to leave the surface, to go deeper
The fear that I will tire of me and start to live in the skin of another, through another’s eyes,
Yet, yet I am still here.
I am afraid.
Thank you for reading!
P. P. S leave me a comment too. My face always lights up at them
Love and warmth