“Sometimes I like to break bottles
So that I have the opportunity to pick up the shards off the surface with my bare hands
Actually so that I can sweep the shards off the floor with my bare hands
And feel the little broken pieces break skin and insert themselves in my flesh
Then I like to think as I weep
from the pain as I remove the shards embedded in my skin,
I like to think that, to compare this pain to the slow leak from my eyes, the pressure on my chest
and the tragedy my life has come to be
Because these demons only take and take but do not know the art of giving
Everything I do is an invitation to them
A plus one party hence one evil brings another evil
This happens every day so imagine the droves and droves as they rush in
To wreck havoc on my peace
So whether I rob myself of sleep
Or succumb to its open arms
It continues, a nightmarish loop
I’ve tried to escape them, each time they hold me down even harder and bind me with stronger chains
But they’ve offered me several options, all leading to one way to be rid of them
A vial full of poison, a box of expired pills my mum forgot to throw out, my scarf and one part of the ceiling
You’ll be free, they promise”
These past few days have been so crazy! The workload at school have been (and still is) so intense; I’ve literally been buried in my books. Undergrad studies are no joke! Nevertheless, I’ve come up for some air and drafting this post for you guys (and myself) was definitely the refresher I needed.
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So let’s get into this;
Over the weekend I learnt a few things, one of which is embedded in the poem above. It’s essential you read and digest it as it would be the focus of today’s discussion.
Suicide is a huge deal. Sometimes it’s the easiest decision for some people in such situations to take because they feel it’s the best decision for themselves and for the people around them. This might not be the best depiction of a suicidal mind but many of them are just weary fighters. What they need is a little strength to get by, a shoulder to lean on, someone who just cares because they do, not because they want something in return.
“A problem shared is a problem half solved” is an age old wise saying we learnt as children, yet sometimes when people going through stuff try to share, we trivialize their troubles – and this being the country where we tend to turn it into a competition of who has it worse, we do just that. They’re not asking for pity, they need a listening ear most times. When someone says “I’m tired”, it doesn’t always mean they need sleep…when they say Goodnight, they might mean Goodbye…when they say they just need to sleep to let go of everything they’re feeling, they might mean they need to say goodbye in other to move on, in this case, it might mean the sleep, the “sleep” we don’t talk about out of fear and some other things I don’t presume to know.
As I said, suicide is a huge deal. Take care of the people around you, you never know who might be hurting deeply or who is tired of fighting, be a beacon. Be a lighthouse, don’t let them hit the rocks, help them to shore.
This part (and the not-so-subtle title) was really hard to write, I almost didn’t include it because I told myself I will never ask anyone to stay if they were suffering, I know the pain and also because I know exactly what it is like to live on only because they ask you to but I’m asking anyway. Because you are special, you are more, not a soul compares to you and oh you matter, you do! I know so! Hold on. Hold on! There’s so much you can do. Please stay. Please fight. Please.
If you need someone to talk to, my email address (firstname.lastname@example.org) is open or visit 13reasonswhy.info/
Love and warmth,