Suicidal blues

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June 16, 2018
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June 25, 2018

Suicidal blues

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“Sometimes I like to break bottles
So that I have the opportunity to pick up the shards off the surface with my bare hands
Actually so that I can sweep the shards off the floor with my bare hands
And feel the little broken pieces break skin and insert themselves in my flesh

Then I like to think as I weep
from the pain as I remove the shards embedded in my skin,
I like to think that, to compare this pain to the slow leak from my eyes, the pressure on my chest
and the tragedy my life has come to be
Because these demons only take and take but do not know the art of giving

Everything I do is an invitation to them
A plus one party hence one evil brings another evil
This happens every day so imagine the droves and droves as they rush in
To wreck havoc on my peace
So whether I rob myself of sleep
Or succumb to its open arms
It continues, a nightmarish loop
I’ve tried to escape them, each time they hold me down even harder and bind me with stronger chains
But they’ve offered me several options, all leading to one way to be rid of them
A vial full of poison, a box of expired pills my mum forgot to throw out, my scarf and one part of the ceiling
You’ll be free, they promise”

These past few days have been so crazy! The workload at school have been (and still is) so intense; I’ve literally been buried in my books. Undergrad studies are no joke! Nevertheless, I’ve come up for some air and drafting this post for you guys (and myself) was definitely the refresher I needed.

P. S if you aren’t new on here, welcome back and thank you for sticking around. If you are new, WELCOME!!! My name is Nsima and I’d love for you to get to know me, I’d also love for you to like this post (the like button looks like a love symbol ❤ but it’s transparent), tell me your thoughts in the comment section and subscribe down below (confirm your subscription too pretty please). Welcome to TBS!!

So let’s get into this;

Over the weekend I learnt a few things, one of which is embedded in the poem above. It’s essential you read and digest it as it would be the focus of today’s discussion.
Suicide is a huge deal. Sometimes it’s the easiest decision for some people in such situations to take because they feel it’s the best decision for themselves and for the people around them. This might not be the best depiction of a suicidal mind but many of them are just weary fighters. What they need is a little strength to get by, a shoulder to lean on, someone who just cares because they do, not because they want something in return.
“A problem shared is a problem half solved” is an age old wise saying we learnt as children, yet sometimes when people going through stuff try to share, we trivialize their troubles – and this being the country where we tend to turn it into a competition of who has it worse, we do just that. They’re not asking for pity, they need a listening ear most times. When someone says “I’m tired”, it doesn’t always mean they need sleep…when they say Goodnight, they might mean Goodbye…when they say they just need to sleep to let go of everything they’re feeling, they might mean they need to say goodbye in other to move on, in this case, it might mean the sleep, the “sleep” we don’t talk about out of fear and some other things I don’t presume to know.

As I said, suicide is a huge deal. Take care of the people around you, you never know who might be hurting deeply or who is tired of fighting, be a beacon. Be a lighthouse, don’t let them hit the rocks, help them to shore.

This part (and the not-so-subtle title) was really hard to write, I almost didn’t include it because I told myself I will never ask anyone to stay if they were suffering, I know the pain and also because I know exactly what it is like to live on only because they ask you to but I’m asking anyway. Because you are special, you are more, not a soul compares to you and oh you matter, you do! I know so! Hold on. Hold on! There’s so much you can do. Please stay. Please fight. Please.
If you need someone to talk to, my email address (debbie@thebloggersays.com) is open or visit 13reasonswhy.info/
Love and warmth,

 

11 Comments

  1. Blue says:

    An eye opener…

  2. Lily says:

    People talk about this but no one really talks about it, I’m talking about the part where others trivialize people’s problems. It’s really shitty. Thank you for spreading light babe, love and warmth ❤

    • I seriously don’t understand why people trivialize people’s problem especially going to the extent of turning it into a competition, it’s really sad that this is the situation now but doing our own little in our different corners will sure make a difference. Thank you Lily, love and warmth.

  3. Fuego says:

    The poem at the beginning was so sad 😔 . The truth is no one can truly know what anyone is passing through but letting your friends and family know you’re there for them no matter what and that they’re also there for you is the best feeling ever. This is really well put together Nsima, you’re awesome.

  4. Juan says:

    Sad, really sad but true. Thank you for this piece

  5. Debbie says:

    Awww..this really hit me…I’ve felt suicidal a lot…especially when I broke up with my boyfriend because he meant practically everything to me… I still feel sad and all but I know I’ll be fine because I’ve got family everywhere…and people who love me more than anything in the world. Thanks nsima for this post..

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